I tried. My intentions were true and pure. I broke my barriers to reach you. I tore down my walls of fear. I accepted being vulnerable, I took the leap. I crossed the unknown to land a kiss on your lips.
I thought there was an understanding between us. I thought it was deep. I thought it transcended the boundaries of the physical. I thought it may be meant to be. I thought it could be everything.
I’ve been in the desert. I’ve been desperately thirsty. I’ve never stopped seeing that mirage, that calls out to me from far away and offers to quench my thirst. I’ve been running to it for so long, without getting even a step closer. It’s time to stop.
For once I will not blame myself. I will not feel regret. I will not self-loathe, or criticize, or judge, or hate or bash. My intentions have been pure all along. All I wished was to connect, to feel safety and support. To feel complete. To fall asleep breathing in the scent of your skin. That’s all.
But when the response to my purity and sincerity is shallowness… when it’s the raw and untamed lust that objectifies my soul and is willing to break my fragile heart for its egocentric satisfaction, it’s over. I will not allow my light to be blemished that way.
Everyone claims to love, while they do not love at all. They don’t understand that love means sacrifice, that it means putting the needs of others before your own needs.
If I had been truly loved, my fragility, my hurt, my fear, my hesitation would be understood. I would be treated with gentleness and patience. I would be given the opportunity to heal, and the space to re-blossom.
Do you think I am incapable of loving you? Of showing my affection?
Oh how you err.
You do not have the remotest idea of the extent of my passion and affection. You cannot realize that to be loved by me, is to be loved for the first time. That my touch is not only a sensation on your skin, but a shower of love on your spirit. That my kisses are accepting, and healing of every fear and shortcoming you have ever felt.
Would one replace this, with mere desire?
Desire is helpless, fleeting, pitiful. I am the source of desires, and its remedy too. Desires are too small for my vast spirit, that expands and engulfs all of existence.
You wish to define me by your desires? Oh how small and little you think!
I offer you an ocean, while you wish to be satisfied by a drop!