To Love Like We Fall Asleep

What if we could love like we fall asleep?

Out of the darkening, quieting, moony skies,
Sleep arrives calmly every single night.
No commotion, no noise, no announcement,
Slowly it enwraps you, like a mystical cocoon,
Circles you, and places a gentle weight on your eyes.

You never think of it when it arrives.
You never think to resist.
Well, maybe, just for a second you do.

But knowing the stubborn human mind,
Sleep knows how to lure the object of its affection.
It doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t demand.
It only remains close to you.

Just slightly nudging you to crawl into bed,
Luring you with beautiful dreams awaiting,
Dreams that seem to hold you by the hand,
And pull you into that land of fantastical dreaming.

When you finally give in, and rest your mind,
Breathing slows down, into a slow and steady melody,
You don’t even realize that you are now sleeping.

If we could love like that…
A gentle slide into a natural and peaceful state.
A comforting, inevitable place of possibility…
Of the most wonderful and beautiful things existing,
And never even realize that we’re dreaming.

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Rumi in a Dream

The last I had read anything of Rumi was about ten years ago. I had enjoyed some of his poetry online then and was gifted a Rumi book. But I don’t recall any of his poems.

But this morning, I dreamt of a Rumi poem. I dreamt that someone addressed it to me. All I recall are the words “one or the other.” So I looked it up and could only find one Rumi poem which mentions these words:

When you begin to love God; God is loving you. 
A clapping sound does not come from one hand.
Lightning from here strikes there.
No lover wants union with the Beloved
without the Beloved also wanting the lover.
Love makes the lover weak,
while Beloved always remains strong.
A thirsty man calls out, 
‘Delicious water, where are you?’ 
while the water moans,
‘Where is the water drinker?’
The thirst in our souls is the attraction
put out by the Water itself.
We belong to Him, and He to us.

God’s wisdom made us lovers of one another.
In fact, all the particles of the world
are in love and looking for lovers.
And the Holy Spirit helps with everything,
like a young man trying to support a family.
We, like the man’s young wife, stay home,
taking care of the house, nursing the children.
Spirit and matter work together like this,
in a division of labor.
Remember what the soul wants,
because in that, eternity is wanting our souls.

God fixes a passionate desire in you,
and then disappoints you.
God does that a hundred times.
God breaks the wings of one intention
and then gives you another,
cuts the rope of contriving,
so you’ll remember your dependence.

Don’t be presumptuous and say one or the other.
Close your lips. 
The mystery of loving is God’s sweetest secret.
Your prayer should always be:
Break the legs of what I want to happen.
Humiliate my ego.
It’s Spring and finally I have no will.

A Dreamy Assurance

Does it ever happen to you… in the middle of the day, when you’re busy, minding your work or errands and suddenly you get a flashback of a dream that you had a very long time ago?

It returns so suddenly and yet so vividly that it’s impossible to ignore. For a moment, you find yourself back in that dream, remembering what it exactly felt like and looked like. And somehow you get a feeling that it isn’t just a dream but a piece of destiny, a destination that you are on the path of reaching. Even though I cannot get myself to completely accept that a dream is a form of reality, I can’t shake off the feeling that I am destined for it.

These flashbacks do not come very often, maybe once every few years. But when it happens, it gives me a strange and inexplicable feeling of assurance that I’m on the right path and headed for exactly where I should be heading. I feel relieved and comforted.

It’s also strange to think that as much as I perceive life and the world to be something which cannot be planned or predicted… somehow, all of this mess, this chaos, has its own patterns and its own destinations. Somehow, everything is always as it should be.

The Night

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Saawariya (2007)

I’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately.

It’s not that I’m not sleepy or tired, or won’t be able to sleep if I tried. It’s like my mind resists the idea of falling asleep.

I’ve always loved the night. That period between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. is so beautiful and promising. It brings the satisfaction of having overcome one more day, and the next one seems unperceivably far away. In those hours, it feels as though I have all of infinity at my fingertips.

If I sleep, I feel like I will miss out on something, Like missing a train that can never be caught again. Like missing ideas and emotions that only conceive and blossom in the mysterious, romantic, drowsy moments of the night.

When the hot, bright, contrasting colors of the realistic day fade away, the darkness and coolness brings new possibilities. A different world, a different me.

My mind slows down. I start to listen. Really listen. As thoughts and rigidness relax and fall away, true emotions begin to emerge and show themselves. Like they were hiding under the bed, waiting for the night to arrive.

The sun exposes too much. It reveals the shapes and dents of everything and anything. It’s too dazzling. It forces me to close my eyes.

But the night… The moonlight brings far more clarity than the sun. I sense more than I look. I’m infused and transformed into something a little different than the night before. Every night makes a new me. I don’t want to lose out on that experience.

Do you love the night?

Let Go?

Sometimes,  I feel like I’m living in a dream world. A world of unpredictable chaos. A world where purity is unappreciated, feelings are misunderstood. I’m misunderstood.

They say that everyone and everything is connected. But how can a world connected to me, be so different? So indifferent?

I want to be rid of my emotions. I want to lose all feeling. I want to be an apathetic, unaffected entity. One that cannot be influenced, cannot be harmed. I want to be a machine. Something uncomplexed by a myriad of emotions that tangle and untangle daily.

I want to be rid of all the expectations, judgments, stereotypes, rules that weigh on my conscience, that prevent me from being who I am, at any moment. At this moment.

I want a companion, who is not the destination, but has the same destination. I want us to reach it together.

I’m tired. Of myself. Of working on myself. I just want to let go.

Can I just let go?